It was really nice to meet you, goodbye.

I don't like leaving. I don't like it. Not one bit. I hate that my friends are going to be scattered across the south, I hate that I never had with him what I wish I did. I hate becoming super close to someone this year, then leaving now. I hate graduation, I hate finding out other people are leaving. I can't stand hearing, "this is the last." 

I know I'm in denial. I scream and close my ears when anyone says something about leaving or graduation or college. I can't help it. I've known this place for all my life, I've known these people forever. How can I let them go?

I know that it's pretty ridiculous of me to say, that I have to let them go, because they're going whether I like it or not. I just hope they know how thankful I am to have them in my life. How grateful I truly am to have known them and to laugh, and cry, and sing, and dance, and explore, and create, and experience, with them. 

Maybe our stories don't end here, but it sure feels like it. I hope it doesn't, but if it has to I hope that every moment we spent all together will not be forgotten. I know it will be, and that's okay, what I really want all of us to remember is how much fun we had, and how we were each other's strong holds; that we were there for each other. 

This is my last blog post. It seems appropriate. I'm leaving high school behind, I want to leave the girl who all she cared about was whether she needed a boyfriend or not behind. I'll still pop in, look at my posts, reflect about who I was and who I was becoming. 

I guess you could say I found myself. It wasn't what I expected. I didn't find out what I wanted to be in life, I didn't find my social circle, but I found my potential. I learned I have something inside of me that's great. I learned that life isn't just what I see from my viewfinder. It's that I have to take away that blue plastic toy and learn that there is a whole world out there ready for me to experience.

I want to thank everyone who reads this. Who has supported me with kind words, who's put up with my mindless rants. I truly appreciate you. You've made an impact on my life, and I hope I've impacted yours too. 


Much much love,
Tansy.

Journal Fail, but Life A++

So I hate this journal thing. I fail at journaling. I can't do it. Nope. I hate my handwriting/doodling ablitites. So thats something I'm not good at. Which is closer than I was before to "finding myself". Progress, Progress my dance coach would say.

I think failing and passing is a part of life. You win some and you loose some. Its a part of life. Its a rising and a falling of the tides, but each time the tide rises and falls new sea shells and treasures are unhidden. The tides are controlled by the moon. A sort of higher energy.

My passes and fails are controlled by God, but shaped by my own free will. Life is about experiences, ultimately. Looking at life as it comes at you. Taking the good with the bad and learning to get on with life.

I just sort of had an "ah-ha" moment. I love those little thoughts when you realize its not about me. It was never about me. I love this. Seriously. I'm like pure mind bliss.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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Going Dark; Update 1

So as for going dark. I have. Well not completely. Since I've made this blog I haven't been using my normal email. And have created multiple social network accounts just for that email and for blogging purposes. I gave my phone to my loving mother to keep safe and hidden at her work. Yup. No contact from friends. They'll probably hate me by the end of the summer. If they really want to see me they can come by work.

As for what I do durring the day I embrace family. Me and my little sister have been having bunches of fun together when I'm not working at RT's. I really want to start getting into art some more. I dabble in pretty much everything and can't make up my mind.

So one of the purposes of this blog is to find out what I'm good at. I want to be a creative spirit. As selfish as this seems I want this summer to be about me. I don't want to surround myself with going to parties, getting invited to long weekend trips. I want to relax and enjoy MY summer. Its no one else's.

Peace out Girl Scout

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Tansy and Cheese Soup.

I've just realized something. All along trying to find myself wasn't really trying to find myself. I was trying to find a label. I'm the type of girl who gets a long with everyone. I was looking for a label to call myself. I feel stupid and conceited. I don't know what finding myself means! Is this a blogging FAIL? So what does "finding myself" mean. Well its more about creating myself, but ugh! I'm so confuseded(yes that extra "ed" was intended) AH!

I feel so befuzzled! Does who I am concern my likes and dislikes? My hopes and dreams? I guess that could be a part of it. What are the ingredients to an ideal "me".

Sugar

Spice

Everything nice?

I'm a girl so that has to be in there.

Ugh. I'll keep you posted.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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You can take that mask off now. Halloween's over.

So I've realized I blog better at night. I sit at my computer during the day and say. I want to blog, nay I need to blog. And now I'm poppin' out two posts in a row. So back to the point. Masks. We all wear them. A certain mask for going to church, a mask for your parents, a mask for school, a mask for your friends, a mask for your best friends, a mask for you enemies. Yeah. THOSE kind of masks.

No matter what you say we all wear them. And once you start to peel back those masks you start to find the real you. Thats what I'm trying to do now. What I've been trying to do for years. Maybe I have more masks than most people. Or maybe they're super glued to my face. sigh.

Peace out Girl Scout.

weheartit

Purpose

So I've talked about the purpose of this blog. A lot. But after reading my friend taylor's post i started to wonder what my purpose is. Is it to grow up to be a doctor, is it to find a cure for cancer. I like science, but what is my passion. Music? I can't make a career out of that. There is no way. I have no talent. There's always humanitarian work, not much money there either. But is it really about money? Shouldn't I do something with life that has purpose? But what if thats not my purpose.ugh. Oh well its too late at night to really think deeply now.

Peace out Girl Scout.

Change in Perspective.

So maybe the purpose of this blog isn't about finding myself. Maybe its more about shaping my life. Shaping the way I see things. Learning of this awesome person that I'm becoming. Does that sound weird? Maybe there are thousands of NEW things that I have yet to discover. Awesome hobbies and interest I haven't stumbled upon yet. I could be a really awesome basketball player or an amazing painter. I've just never tried. So I'm posing a new question for me to think about. Who do I WANT to be?

Peace out Girl Scout.

Mystical Blog Universe.

So this wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to write a blog every five minutes, but I've determined something. I'm addicted I'm addicted to pouring my little heart out into the internet. Pitiful. I know. I wasn't supposed to ramble on about incoherent stuff. I was supposed to find my self. That was the purpose I wasn't supposed to be another bored blogee (I can't come to terms with the fact that I'm a blogger). Maybe I am addicted. I'm already planning my next blog. It doesn't make sense! I've started these before and never wrote a single word. Maybe its because I have no one to talk to. My best friend, Lucy*, won't talk to me. I don't want to talk to my friend Shannon*. I can't talk to my guy friends because they wouldn't understand. Oh mystical blog universe you have pulled me in.

Peace out Girl Scout.

*Name has been changed.

Hello.

You may not find this blog very interesting. Heck. Most people won't. My prediction is it won't even have any followers by the end of the summer, but what the hey. I'm bored and I might as well tell other bored people about it. Isn't that how blogs work. Bored people go online to look and see if other people have more interesting lives than they do? Well unlike most "bloggers" ("blogees"? I like that better), I have a purpose. My goal is to find me. Don't be smart. I know WHERE I am, but that doesn't necessarily mean I know WHO I am. This blog will be filled with hopes, dreams, prayers, likes, dislikes, promises, broken promises, rants, raves, and everything in between. This is not for your enjoyment, its for my SANITY, so with that said no rude comments please.

Peace out Girl Scout.