Less is More

"Fear less, hope more, whine less, breathe more, talk less, say more, hate less, love more, and good things will be yours" -Swedish Proverb.

So, I came across this, and my heart smiled, because it really applies to my life right now. 

"Fear less, hope more." Lately I've been in a ball of fear. I can't move. Its like I'm afraid, everything I do is wrong, and I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed with fear before I act on anything. Maybe, I just need to let hope fill my life, and let my actions be from my heart, not paralyzed by my brain.

"Whine less, breathe more." I complain. A lot. Quotes from me about every other day. "I'm cold." "There are too many stairs" "I don't want to go" "My computer won't work." "I don't want to take a test." It's pathetic because there are kids out there and people who have it far worse than me. I just need to breathe through what I think is bad.

"Talk less, say more." If you ask anyone of my friends, they would tell you I talk 100% of the time and you can only understand me less than 50%. Maybe, I just need to listen for once, and think about what I say before I say it..

"Hate less, love more." I know you may not think this but I'm a hateful person. I make on the spot judgments about people that I don't even know. Its like I look at a person and immediately find the worse thing I can about them. Maybe instead of finding the bad. I'll find the good.


Peace Out Girl Scout.
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Going Dark; Update 2

So its been really hard lately with no communication from the outside world. I've just been lazy. Today after work I was driving and saw my best friends together. It was very hard to see them having fun with out me. I don't like being left out.

I don't like not being in the loop, but I think its what's best for me right now. Its not that I don't want to hang out with my friends. I do. It hurts being left out. I guess its my fault, but it still hurts. Its like I'm on the outside looking in. Actually its more I'm inside looking out.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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Going Dark; Update 1

So as for going dark. I have. Well not completely. Since I've made this blog I haven't been using my normal email. And have created multiple social network accounts just for that email and for blogging purposes. I gave my phone to my loving mother to keep safe and hidden at her work. Yup. No contact from friends. They'll probably hate me by the end of the summer. If they really want to see me they can come by work.

As for what I do durring the day I embrace family. Me and my little sister have been having bunches of fun together when I'm not working at RT's. I really want to start getting into art some more. I dabble in pretty much everything and can't make up my mind.

So one of the purposes of this blog is to find out what I'm good at. I want to be a creative spirit. As selfish as this seems I want this summer to be about me. I don't want to surround myself with going to parties, getting invited to long weekend trips. I want to relax and enjoy MY summer. Its no one else's.

Peace out Girl Scout

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She was lookin' kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb in a shape of an "L" on her forehead.

I'm officially a loser. I made such a big deal, gave myself a head ache, then its over with because the other person "doesn't want to talk about it anymore". And what did I do, Say okay. Yup. Because I was trying to get over it. Not deal with it, and after I realize nothing is better still. I still have no one to talk to because the person I did talk to hardly talked to me back. Sigh. I hate drama. It's summer for crying out loud. I didn't have this much drama during the school year. Stupid.

Sad thing is the person I told, Wren, didn't even give me the time of day. Well he sent two text messages. Neither really helping me. I'm afraid I might have said something too honest. Ah. The price I pay for honesty. Is it always that high. Is it even worth it. Now he won't talk to me unless I talk to him about one thing. Like always. sigh.. What is it that even makes me like him, if I can't talk to him. He's not worth it then, but why do I keep hoping to see his name pop up on my phone? Ah! I hate him, I hate liking him. Ugh. Why?!

Peace out Girl Scout.

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The phone, The phone is ringing!

DING DONG! You have 1 new text message. When ever my phone vibrates I rush too it like a cat to a mouse. Bad comparison, but it's late. Anyway. I love to text. Do you know why because there is more distance than actually...gasp...talking on the phone. I HATE talking on the phone. No seriously. I'm horrible at talking on the phone. I had to go ask to get an appointment to get my hair done today. I called and hung up like five times, but then I realized if I didn't call I would gulp have to go down there myself to make an appointment. So I ended up getting my mom to call.

Anyway. I also love to text because if you happen to be texting a certain someone you can lock their message and look at it for all eternity...mwahhahaha. No really. Those texts make or break me sometimes. Looking at them and trying to figure out the emotion behind the words. Yeah. I'm a dork, but really I sit there and think why did they say this. What does it mean. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they text. whether or not they txt like this. C U L8r b/c i'm biz-e. Yeah. I could barely write that. I HATE text talk.

But the real REAL reason I'm writing this because its been like a week and a half since i spoke to the said "crush". And I'm sitting looking at his facebook page thinking. I want to talk to him. Nay. NEED to talk to him, but I'm not. Because thats the type of person I am. ugh. boys. can't live with them, can't live with out them. But really. I really want to text him, but I'm afraid it will be bad! AH!

Peace out Girl Scout.

p.s. I will make a post all about the first person to tell me what the title of this post is about!

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Bad Romance.

So you know that one person. You know who I'm talking about. It maybe your best friend or the person you have never even talked to. Yeah. That one. The one you swear you are going to make them fall deep and madly in love with you, but it never gets farther than that. Or it might.

You like them for like since October and its the middle of June and you haven't gotten anywhere closer than you were before. I know what you mean. Its like you sit there waiting for him to call you and say hey i like you lets go do something awesome, but you know deep deep down that its not going to happen.

Why can't it be as easy as hey I like you. Okay I like you too. No. It has to get complicated. You have to talk and then you have to hang out and then you have to have the "are we boyfriend girlfriend" talk. Why can't it be as simple as that. UGH! You lay in bed and night thinking about it and you know its never going to be, but you keep hoping that it will be something more. You'll be more than a friend to them.

However on the other hand you get super MAD mainly at yourself for not doing anything about it. Maybe I'm to young for this. Maybe high school shouldn't be about having relationships, but you see how almost everyone's pared up. And What about prom? I mean, you should go with someone you care about. I look like a loser when I go by myself. Oh well. I'll just keep hoping, but hoping never got anyone anywhere.

Doesn't building a relationship take some form of communication? And to communicate you actually have to have something to talk about, and what if that person gets tired talking about the same thing. How do you move one from talking about just that one subject?

Why does it have to be so HARD? I liked it better in Kindergarten where you could just chase each other around the playground. Times where simpler then. Oh well for the time being I'm going to make a plan of attack persay.

Peace out Girl Scout.