New Year; New Me?

Every year at new years, you hear of people reinventing themselves. Changing who they are for what ever reason. In reality, we never really change who we are. We're always the same person. Scientifically of course. Philosophically? We can become who ever we want to be.

But are these new years resolutions to change how we see ourselves, or how the world sees us? Personally, I think it's much of the latter. I found a new years resolution list from 6th grade. Do you know what one of my resolutions was? Be Popular. Wow. How stereotypical. A middle school girl wishing to be popular.

My resolution for this year? Be myself. Don't conform, don't become something I'm not. Don't act. Don't lie. Be who I am everyday. It's not just that, it's showing myself to the world, and being proud of the wonderful person I have become.

Yeah, so what? I think I'm wonderful. I think everyone should think that they're wonderful. I think that true self gratification comes from accepting yourself as you are, not allowing the world to mold you into something you're not proud of.

I've been told I'm well liked. Apparently, everyone loves me. Why? I don't know. I don't try to please them, I try to please most of all God that's the only one who matters, and second I try to please myself. If I can't live my life with out regrets, then it's not a life worth living.


Peace Out Girl Scout.
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Friends for now.

So when ever I'm in a sucky mood, I read over my old blog posts, and I just feel so stupid and pathetic right now, but then I came across this post. Wow, I am that seventh grade girl again, and I need to get over that. ASAP.

Then "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars came on my iPod, then "Leave" by Jo Jo, and finally "Change" by Taylor Swift. Its like my iPod made me feel ten times better about my situation.

I realize now that, 1. I should enjoy the time I have left with Wren before graduation, 2. It shouldn't be about a relationship, it should be about having fun, and 3. He's my friend right now, and I should be happy with that.

Though it's going to be hard to keep the feelings I have for him submerged, I should be completely happy just spending time with him as friends, and do you know what? For once in my life, I'm going to listen to my own advice.

"It was the night things changed, can you see it now, these walls they put up to hold us back fell down."

Sometimes I think Taylor Swift steals all her song ideas from my life, but that's okay, because now I have an awesome soundtrack to my life.


Peace Out Girl Scout
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My mind's going places, i just wish my feet would follow.

I've come down with a terrible case of wander lust. Really, I'm so ready to just GO and experience the world first hand. If I had the funds available, and could speak a bunch of different languages, I would totally take a gap year before college to just GO.    I don't know what it is, but my feet are ready to go.

 It might be "small town syndrome" where after living in a place where everyone knows everyone, you're kinda ready to break loose. All I know for sure is that sometime before I die I will go to the following places. This is my Travel to Ten.

1. Australia/New Zealand.
-I admit it, its the accents:) no, but really, this is one of my top places to visit. Oh, and those cute kangaroos:)

2. Africa
- Not for the exotic animals or any of that, Its for the people. The people there is what I plan to travel there for, especially the impoverished. 

3. England
-I'm a fool for a British accent. And just the history there, its incredible.

4. Ireland
-Why does everywhere, but America have awesome accents? Also I just really want to go see all the AMAZING castles. 

5. NYC
-Broadway is a definate must, along with Time Square and Central Park. I HAVE to go here.

6. Paris, France
-Ah, the city of lights. I really just want to see the louvre, and the Eifel Tower, and the Arc de Triomphe, and well ahh, French accents:)

7. CALIFORNIA

- Sign me up on the next flight to LAX, California is the real sunshine state, sorry to disappoint you Florida.

8. Canada
-I really don't know why, but I just think Canada's pretty freakin' awesome.

9. Israel
- All that history and culture, AWESOME!

10. Rome, Italy
-Really I could just put all of Italy, but I really just want to go to Rome, what can I say I'm a history nut. I love Roman culture!

What's your top ten destinations?


Peace out Girl Scout.
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Brief is Life, but Love is Long.

So, as I was cleaning my room today I discovered a small journal I used to keep from seventh to eighth grade. Well this journal was full of stupid stuff about a crush I had on this ONE guy for that long. I was a stalker. It was scary.

Anyway, this guy was all I used to think about, and as I read this stupid girls version of what she felt for this guy, I realized, 1. I was a creep and 2. I had better things in my life to worry about than guys. As I came to the last page in this journal I read a entry that I had written my Freshman year, It seems forever ago, I don't even remember writing it. This is what it said.

"So yeah its almost been a year since I wrote in this stupid thing..... I've learned somethings since seventh grade (mostly from God). I shouldn't seek love. I should stumble upon it."

I then go on to talk about a previous boyfriend and say "I didn't go into this relationship head over heels, but I didn't come out of it heart over head. The whole thing was a big awkward mess, but those little, but few sweet things that we shared stuck. It was awkward, so I tried to get out of it. I started a fight out of nothing and broke it off, and put it out of sight, out of mind."

Wow, I was a deep person then.

I then go on to finish the entry by saying.

"I really haven't stopped thinking 'did i do the right thing?".......  "Do I let it go knowing I might have missed out on something great?"

There was a big transition from that seventh grade girl obsessing over some guy she thought she knew, to this older, more self aware girl who knows that everything in life isn't about having a boy friend.

I look back at that journal, and my previous blog posts and realize, that seventh grade girl was there during the summer, and that mature ninth grade girl has made her way back into the picture. I understand now that God knows what is best for me, even when I think something else is better. I know now that God's love is all I need.

Just think, the creator of this glorious universe loves ME. Me of all people who sin and could care less about God during the week, but on Sunday act like He is the only one for me. And He is. He's the only one I could ever need, and I forget that sometimes. Not anymore, never again will I forget that.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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Sunshine on a Cloudy Day.

So I've really been thinking a lot about happiness lately. More than usual and it just so happens I saw this on V's blog, Stars & Chillies and so I went to pastor-girl's blog and i thought it was a cool idea to do, so these are somethings that make me happy:)

-Dancing. I love it. Its definitely my passion, if its in the studio or jammin' out in my red Camry, I love to dance and it just makes me happy on the inside:)

-Church. It just makes me so happy when I go to church, like it really truly does put me in a better mood.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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Future Letters.

So exciting news guys! Tomorrow I'm going to start a brand new segment type thing on The Secret Life of Me(I'm pretty sure thats the first time I've called my blog by its name). Anyway, its called "Letters to the Future". I'm pretty pumped about it.

I'm going to be writing letters to various people, things, places, ect, in different times of the future. I'm pretty excited I'm going to try to do it every other Tuesday. Maybe. Quite possibly. Hopefully. I'm actually supposed to be doing my AP Calc. homework right now, but oh well. This seems more important.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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I've got a feelin'

So school is really starting to catch up on me. Thats why this blog post is so late even though what I'm about to write about happened last weekend. So I guess it would be Sunday, I hoped on over to the town next to mine to get a book for school. You're probably like, "Well okay Tansy good for you, you actually read", but no, thats not the point of this story. The point of this story is about people.

So immediately as I walk in the book store, a clerk welcomes me by saying, "Hey Angel," but at first I was like oh she's not talking to me, but then she continued to talk to me and I was like "uhhhh I'm doing fine thanks". Then she continued to say " Just let me know if you need any help now" I said " I will thanks".

Sooo.... anywho, I go about my normal shopping getting the book I need for school, a book for Bayla and my mom, and a book for me.

So as I go to check out the same clerk was just so cheerful and pleasant. It really just made my day. I had a shirt on that said "Walk Humbly" and she was like "aw, I love that scripture" and I immediately liked her even more.

Then these two girls walked in who obviously just got there hair done, and she yelled "You're hair looks really good. You're so pretty".

Then she says to me " You know sometimes girls tend to hate other girls because they think they're prettier than them, and sometimes pretty girls don't think they're pretty and need a bit of self confidience, because really all of us are beautiful on the inside. We should tell each other that sometimes."

I was like fully ready to ask her to be my best friend forever at this point.

I mean, she was like a modern day philosopher, but it made me think. No matter if I forget her name, or where she worked, where I met her. I'll know that she made me feel like I was special. That I mattered. That we all mattered in the grand scheme of things. That woman, girl, student, what ever has changed my life.

What if I hadn't gone to the book store that day? What if she wasn't working? My life would have stayed the same, but that chance encounter showed me that there is really and truly an awesome God out there. She really changed my life, I'm serious. Because of that chance meeting, my life is better.

I'll always remember that feeling that I felt when I was around her.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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There's no place like home.

So these thoughts might be running through your head right now if you just read my last two posts.

-"Is this girl crazy"

-"Is this girl bipolar"

-"Is this girl on her period"

Only one of these answers would be correct. Well I guess two. Most of you are going to be able to guess which two they are, but in reality I think since the first blog post I've just been so happy I'm actually back. Like for realz. Its past midnight and I'm blogging. I love this me. So I'd like to say Welcome back me. You're home.

Peace out Girl Scout.

Just Dance.

I have had what you might call a blogging FAIL. The last time I really posted was in like 18 days ago. I feel stupid. I love blogging. It keeps my head on straight. When I blog I feel energized and excited and just plain happy. I need some happy in my life. I will never again go more than a week with out blogging. Granted it will probably be only once a week when school starts back, but I will, nay must blog.

Blogging clears my mind of everything. Its my creative outlet. Well this and dance. I love to dance:) Some people run, swim, eat, drink, smoke, or even sleep(what i've been doing(sad face)) to clear their mind. Me, I blog, and dance. Mostly dance.

Dancing is my outward expression of happiness:), but I don't only dance when I'm happy. I dance when:

I'm bored

I'm sick

I'm silly

I'm excited

Dancing just makes me feel good inside.

I blog when;

I'm sad

I'm lonely

I'm hurt

I'm angry.

I think I've found the two things I'm good at are the two things that I love to do the most.

and this brings me back to the purpose of this blog. To find myself. Or create myself. Before Taylor asked me to help her, I never even thought of blogging. Now I've realized that the simple idea of this blog, to find who I am, has helped me more than anything. I've found more of me than I ever could have before. Needless to say, I'm ecstatic.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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I heart ME

I love my blog. I truly do. I tailor it and brain storm sometimes even. I pour my heart and soul into this thing. So essentially, this blog is me. So Saying I love my blog, really means I love myself. So yeah. I'm concieted and I love myself.

I hate myself sometimes too, which means I hate this blog sometimes. It shows me at my weakest hardest moments in my life. I think its good though. I think its good for me to really remember these times. So I can learn from these experiences. Wow. I honestly didn't think I would even keep this up. I'm really proud of myself. I'm just feeling so happy with myself and who I'm becoming. Excitement :)

Peace out Girl Scout

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Journal Fail, but Life A++

So I hate this journal thing. I fail at journaling. I can't do it. Nope. I hate my handwriting/doodling ablitites. So thats something I'm not good at. Which is closer than I was before to "finding myself". Progress, Progress my dance coach would say.

I think failing and passing is a part of life. You win some and you loose some. Its a part of life. Its a rising and a falling of the tides, but each time the tide rises and falls new sea shells and treasures are unhidden. The tides are controlled by the moon. A sort of higher energy.

My passes and fails are controlled by God, but shaped by my own free will. Life is about experiences, ultimately. Looking at life as it comes at you. Taking the good with the bad and learning to get on with life.

I just sort of had an "ah-ha" moment. I love those little thoughts when you realize its not about me. It was never about me. I love this. Seriously. I'm like pure mind bliss.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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