Hey Morals. Good Job Back There.

"There's more to life than being straight-edge my dear." - Pot head/alcoholic/underage idiot who thinks he's my friend.

How did I respond. I gave him the, "Are you high right now look?" While I was prepared to go into "I have morals and just because I don't get drunk on the weekends doesn't mean your better than me speech", I refrained. How, because he was right.

There is more to life than being straight-edge. There is love. There is laughter. There is hope.

Sure I didn't tell him this, but I probably should have. Why? Because I was kinda in shock. My morals were being questioned, and that's something I don't come in contact with very much. I mean lately I've been hanging around people that aren't Christians, and this is really the first time my faith and morals have been tested.

And maybe that's a good thing. I don't want to be a spoil sport. I just won't drink or do illegal drugs, and that's that.


Peace Out Girl Scout.
pictures

New Year; New Me?

Every year at new years, you hear of people reinventing themselves. Changing who they are for what ever reason. In reality, we never really change who we are. We're always the same person. Scientifically of course. Philosophically? We can become who ever we want to be.

But are these new years resolutions to change how we see ourselves, or how the world sees us? Personally, I think it's much of the latter. I found a new years resolution list from 6th grade. Do you know what one of my resolutions was? Be Popular. Wow. How stereotypical. A middle school girl wishing to be popular.

My resolution for this year? Be myself. Don't conform, don't become something I'm not. Don't act. Don't lie. Be who I am everyday. It's not just that, it's showing myself to the world, and being proud of the wonderful person I have become.

Yeah, so what? I think I'm wonderful. I think everyone should think that they're wonderful. I think that true self gratification comes from accepting yourself as you are, not allowing the world to mold you into something you're not proud of.

I've been told I'm well liked. Apparently, everyone loves me. Why? I don't know. I don't try to please them, I try to please most of all God that's the only one who matters, and second I try to please myself. If I can't live my life with out regrets, then it's not a life worth living.


Peace Out Girl Scout.
pictures

"In the Shadow of Your Heart."

Secret No. 14: Luckily, hanging out with you didn't make me fall even harder. Luckily, I didn't even care you were there. Maybe I have let go and let God.

"I say I hate you and I love you the most"

Secret No. 13: How come when I decide I'm better off with out you, you make your way back into the picture? Why is it that you frustrate me so?

"I will rise when He calls my name."

Secret No. 12: I've broke, and I don't need you to fix me. God's got that taken care of.

Don't Call Me Humpty Dumpty Quite Yet

I'm lost. I'm scared. And I'm back in a bubble. I don't know what it is. I don't know what I'm feeling. I just plain out don't know. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I need. I don't know what is right anymore. I just feel fucked up.



Letting go. I've tried it. I've tried letting go of this, but I haven't tried letting go and letting God. This whole quarter has just been filled with stupid. Stupid crushes, stupid feelings, stupid actions, and honestly there is no one to blame but myself.



My life is twisted in knots and it's come to the point where I'm trying to undo it by pulling as hard as I can to get it undone, but all that happens is that I make it tighter. I realized tonight that I can't do it by myself. I can't really do it at all. 

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I will cry at most anything depressing. I'm a passionate person, what can I say. In reality, I'm terrified of tears, because tears to me mean heartbreak and emotional pain. It's gotten to the point where I'm scared of admitting I'm broken. 

I denied it for a long time, but I'm in pieces. And I can't move on. I can't move from this place of frustration, heart ache, stress, just being miserable. I haven't been taking care of myself, I haven't been exercising, I've barely gotten up from my lap top in two weeks. I'm just not healthy inside or out. 

I've just been holding all of this in. I literally can't talk to anyone about this. I have no one to confide in. I'm sitting here realizing, that I care so much about the world and the people in it, that I never care about myself.

"I have been dealing with versions of you my whole life and I'm going to tell you something that I should have told myself a long time ago. Sometimes it's about me, OK? Not all the time but every once in a while it's my time." -Anne Hathaway; Bride Wars

I have a passion for people, and sometimes I forget it's okay to care about myself. I need time to heal. Time to let God undo the mess I've made. Right now, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just confused, and at a point where there is no other choice but to give everything up to Him. That's what I should have done all along.

Peace out Girl Scout

pictures

"Stay on your feet for me."

"I gave a solid attempt at keeping you in the light," he said.


Secret No. 11: I'm giving a solid attempt at keeping you with me.

SPECIAL EDITION!

Guess what. Can't well I'll tell you. THIS IS MY 100TH POST!!!!! I can't believe it, and for my 100th post I want to talk about something special.


INVISIBLE CHILDREN! 


In case you don't know invisible children is this AWESOME nonprofit organization that is trying to end a war in Northern Uganda in which a terrible rebel leader named Joseph Kony takes children in the middle of the night and forces them to kill their parents and fight in the war. 


Right now Invisible Children is trying to raise ONE MILLION DOLLARS to rebuild schools affected by the world. My friend Taylor from camp is desperately trying to raise money for Awere Secondary School in Northern Uganda. 


If you only donate $1 it would help. You can donate here and make sure you put for LaGrange High School!


Thanks so much I LOVE all of you! I love the fact that all of you have read my blog and it makes me SOO happy! 


PEACE OUT GIRL SCOUT!

You Never Know What You Got Till It's Gone.

Driving home today, I had the worst daydream possible. I daydreamed that my two best friends died in a car crash. It was awful. I almost had to put over I was crying so much. They are all that I have, and I would be devastated if I lost them.

As soon as I got home I text both to make sure they were still living, and they were much to my pleasing. Over the summer though one of my friends, Samantha, from elementary school wrecked coming home from her boyfriends house. She hit a tree, broke her neck, and died instantly. 

That same night. I was with my two best friends and their boy friends. My best friend, Lucy, was probably driving around 80 mph. I was freaking out. When we got back to Lucy's house, who happened to live next door to Samantha. We went straight to bed. In the morning, while I was leaving for church Samantha's mom and another neighbor rang the doorbell. 

I left for church and didn't know what words were exchanged until during the church service, I heard the news. My heart stopped. 

I really didn't know what to do at that point. That could have been me and my two friends. It was a wake up call. I wasn't close to Samantha any more, but it still hit me like a ton of bricks.

I guess the whole point of this post was to show how thankful I am for my life, and my friends. Knowing that life could end at any moment is scary, but it's also humbling. I now know I'm not ten feet tall and bullet proof, and I intend to live life to the fullest everyday.


Rest in Peace Sam. #7. I love you. 
Peace Out Girl Scout.
pictures

Just Get Over it Already Tansy

So Winter Formal is coming up. You don't have a date. I don't have a date, and it's extremely awkward when one of your friends tells me to ask you... EXTREMELY. I get frozen, and I don't know what to say... It's BAD.

Its also BAD, when ever your name comes up in conversations with my best friend she immediately says "your prom date?" 

Are we that perfect for each other, but we don't see it? I hope not. Because honestly. I really just want to get over you.


Peace out Girl Scout.
pictures

Less is More

"Fear less, hope more, whine less, breathe more, talk less, say more, hate less, love more, and good things will be yours" -Swedish Proverb.

So, I came across this, and my heart smiled, because it really applies to my life right now. 

"Fear less, hope more." Lately I've been in a ball of fear. I can't move. Its like I'm afraid, everything I do is wrong, and I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed with fear before I act on anything. Maybe, I just need to let hope fill my life, and let my actions be from my heart, not paralyzed by my brain.

"Whine less, breathe more." I complain. A lot. Quotes from me about every other day. "I'm cold." "There are too many stairs" "I don't want to go" "My computer won't work." "I don't want to take a test." It's pathetic because there are kids out there and people who have it far worse than me. I just need to breathe through what I think is bad.

"Talk less, say more." If you ask anyone of my friends, they would tell you I talk 100% of the time and you can only understand me less than 50%. Maybe, I just need to listen for once, and think about what I say before I say it..

"Hate less, love more." I know you may not think this but I'm a hateful person. I make on the spot judgments about people that I don't even know. Its like I look at a person and immediately find the worse thing I can about them. Maybe instead of finding the bad. I'll find the good.


Peace Out Girl Scout.
pictures

Life Sucks

"It's enough to make you go Crazy"

Secret No. 10: So maybe being friends is harder than I thought it would be.

"Caught in a Nightmare and can't Wake up."

Secret No. 9: I never take my own advice, and that's kind of bad.

Friends for now.

So when ever I'm in a sucky mood, I read over my old blog posts, and I just feel so stupid and pathetic right now, but then I came across this post. Wow, I am that seventh grade girl again, and I need to get over that. ASAP.

Then "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars came on my iPod, then "Leave" by Jo Jo, and finally "Change" by Taylor Swift. Its like my iPod made me feel ten times better about my situation.

I realize now that, 1. I should enjoy the time I have left with Wren before graduation, 2. It shouldn't be about a relationship, it should be about having fun, and 3. He's my friend right now, and I should be happy with that.

Though it's going to be hard to keep the feelings I have for him submerged, I should be completely happy just spending time with him as friends, and do you know what? For once in my life, I'm going to listen to my own advice.

"It was the night things changed, can you see it now, these walls they put up to hold us back fell down."

Sometimes I think Taylor Swift steals all her song ideas from my life, but that's okay, because now I have an awesome soundtrack to my life.


Peace Out Girl Scout
pictures

I Used to be Love Drunk, but Now I'm Hungover.

I'm just completely confused. I don't want to think him about him all day, but I do anyway. I know I shouldn't think about him all the time, but I do anyway..

I hate being this person who constantly thinks of him. It's pathetic, and that's all there is to it. I should really just move one, but deep down I know that's not going to happen. And that sucks.

And it's not like he hates me or doesn't want to be around me, because I'm pretty sure he just maybe likes me too, but it's not going anywhere, and I'm being an obsessive freak, and I HATE IT.


Peace Out Girl Scout
picture

"It takes two, it's up to me and you."

Secret No. 8: I love it when you ride in my car :)

Sometimes, I wish I could be lazy.

So ever scince I was little, I've always been doing something. Something all the time, soccer, t-ball, dance, science club, church, piano lessons, or art class. I've always been working always been going always busy, and it keeps going now. I've got so much too do, so many commitments. I just wish somethings could be easier.

Why is stress the thing overwhelming my life! I'm the kind of person that doesn't do things half-heartedly, so if I have a 208923472389427394283942738 million things to do. I'll do them to the best of my abilities.

Like my relationship with Wren. I'm pretty sure he likes me again, but can't it just be easy as him asking me to do something. No. It can't, and honestly, I think relationships should take some work, but I'm tired of working, and I'm not going into this half heartedly.

I'm about to crash I've been working so much... and honestly I don't think I want a relationship now, because a relationship will take work, and its not like it would last. And I don't want heartbreak to slide into the picture.

This has just been rambling. I'm sorry, but I just need to vent.


Peace Out Girl Scout.
pictures