A Letter to the Future- College ME.

Dear College-self,

Where are you know, who did I become to be? Are you kind? Are you loving? I hope you're happy. Isn't that what anyone would wish for themselves? I hope our faith is strong. I hope that nothing could knock down our love for Jesus.

I want to know, what are you doing these days? Did my life-plan work, or did we decide to take a different route? How is college, I really want to know, I'll be there soon. Did I keep our friends, did the people in our life change drastically? I hope all is well, where ever you are. Stay strong self, I know you need it.

Love,

Tansy

Peace out Girl Scout.

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Future Letters.

So exciting news guys! Tomorrow I'm going to start a brand new segment type thing on The Secret Life of Me(I'm pretty sure thats the first time I've called my blog by its name). Anyway, its called "Letters to the Future". I'm pretty pumped about it.

I'm going to be writing letters to various people, things, places, ect, in different times of the future. I'm pretty excited I'm going to try to do it every other Tuesday. Maybe. Quite possibly. Hopefully. I'm actually supposed to be doing my AP Calc. homework right now, but oh well. This seems more important.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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I've got a feelin'

So school is really starting to catch up on me. Thats why this blog post is so late even though what I'm about to write about happened last weekend. So I guess it would be Sunday, I hoped on over to the town next to mine to get a book for school. You're probably like, "Well okay Tansy good for you, you actually read", but no, thats not the point of this story. The point of this story is about people.

So immediately as I walk in the book store, a clerk welcomes me by saying, "Hey Angel," but at first I was like oh she's not talking to me, but then she continued to talk to me and I was like "uhhhh I'm doing fine thanks". Then she continued to say " Just let me know if you need any help now" I said " I will thanks".

Sooo.... anywho, I go about my normal shopping getting the book I need for school, a book for Bayla and my mom, and a book for me.

So as I go to check out the same clerk was just so cheerful and pleasant. It really just made my day. I had a shirt on that said "Walk Humbly" and she was like "aw, I love that scripture" and I immediately liked her even more.

Then these two girls walked in who obviously just got there hair done, and she yelled "You're hair looks really good. You're so pretty".

Then she says to me " You know sometimes girls tend to hate other girls because they think they're prettier than them, and sometimes pretty girls don't think they're pretty and need a bit of self confidience, because really all of us are beautiful on the inside. We should tell each other that sometimes."

I was like fully ready to ask her to be my best friend forever at this point.

I mean, she was like a modern day philosopher, but it made me think. No matter if I forget her name, or where she worked, where I met her. I'll know that she made me feel like I was special. That I mattered. That we all mattered in the grand scheme of things. That woman, girl, student, what ever has changed my life.

What if I hadn't gone to the book store that day? What if she wasn't working? My life would have stayed the same, but that chance encounter showed me that there is really and truly an awesome God out there. She really changed my life, I'm serious. Because of that chance meeting, my life is better.

I'll always remember that feeling that I felt when I was around her.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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Ah. For the love of Grayson.

So I just realize I didn't post a back to school post. Well its been like a week now since school started, which gave you the I Don't Know post because already all of my friends are like are you doing early enrollment and I'm like uhhhh.... what?

So as I started this second week of school I think, this is MY senior year, MINE and I want to make the most of it.

I may never see these people again, maybe I don't want to, but still there are people that I want to see again, and WANT to stay in my life. Why not live life for now, not for later not what could be or should be. I know I can get into college.

My SAT's were pretty good, and I've taken several AP classes. I'm an all A student, so I can get it. I just don't know WHERE, but right now I don't care. Senior '11.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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Create Me.

So guyses, how you likin' my new blog look? I really like the fact that its an older computer, but you can only see it all if you put it into a full screen. I'm taking a graphic design class this year(excitement) so maybe i can make an awesome back ground for my bloggy poopoo:)

Anyway.

I've always been the person that tries so hard to be creative. I love project runway, America's next top model, and any other fashion/ artsy show out there. Or any show on bravo for that matter. Yet, besides dance... I have not one creative bone in my body. I'm the "nerd". I'm that person who could tell you that the quadratic formula is

I had to Google it because I couldn't find the square root sign, but I still know it. I love my brain, so to speak, yet I want to wear something pretty for once. The following is what is in my closet: -american eagle jeans, -old navy tshirt. Thats it. I've got some old navy shorts too, but other than that, thats all.

I have no style. Well I guess you could say I do, but not a cute one! I'm happy in a T and jeans, but I think I could do so much better. Do you understand what I'm saying? Probably not, but I have to say this is the weirdest post I have ever posted. So I'm just going to end this right now. Bye.

Peace out Girl Scout.

There's no place like home.

So these thoughts might be running through your head right now if you just read my last two posts.

-"Is this girl crazy"

-"Is this girl bipolar"

-"Is this girl on her period"

Only one of these answers would be correct. Well I guess two. Most of you are going to be able to guess which two they are, but in reality I think since the first blog post I've just been so happy I'm actually back. Like for realz. Its past midnight and I'm blogging. I love this me. So I'd like to say Welcome back me. You're home.

Peace out Girl Scout.

Just Dance.

I have had what you might call a blogging FAIL. The last time I really posted was in like 18 days ago. I feel stupid. I love blogging. It keeps my head on straight. When I blog I feel energized and excited and just plain happy. I need some happy in my life. I will never again go more than a week with out blogging. Granted it will probably be only once a week when school starts back, but I will, nay must blog.

Blogging clears my mind of everything. Its my creative outlet. Well this and dance. I love to dance:) Some people run, swim, eat, drink, smoke, or even sleep(what i've been doing(sad face)) to clear their mind. Me, I blog, and dance. Mostly dance.

Dancing is my outward expression of happiness:), but I don't only dance when I'm happy. I dance when:

I'm bored

I'm sick

I'm silly

I'm excited

Dancing just makes me feel good inside.

I blog when;

I'm sad

I'm lonely

I'm hurt

I'm angry.

I think I've found the two things I'm good at are the two things that I love to do the most.

and this brings me back to the purpose of this blog. To find myself. Or create myself. Before Taylor asked me to help her, I never even thought of blogging. Now I've realized that the simple idea of this blog, to find who I am, has helped me more than anything. I've found more of me than I ever could have before. Needless to say, I'm ecstatic.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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What if I don't know.

So I've decided I don't like where I'm at right now. You ask "Well where are you Tansy?" My reply? "I have no fucking idea where I am right now" Thats why I don't like it. I don't know where I am. Next year at this time I'm gone. Far away. Do I know where? Nope.

I don't know where I'm going to college. I don't know where I'm going to get the money to pay for it. I don't know if I can leave my mom by herself. I don't know who my friends are. I don't know if I even have any friends. I don't know if I even want to stay in this stupid town.

All I know is right now my life is a big WHAT IF? Those two words are the most hated words I could ever speak. What if I can't afford the college I want? What if I never find out where I'm supposed to be?

Adding to the What if to my life is the DON'T KNOW, but I have decided after the many conflicting voices in my head to let it go. Let go and let GOD. He's the only one who can sees the outcome of my life. So I'll give it to him to do what's right.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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Living my Life.

Life. Ah. Life. Something to be welcomed. Something to be thankful for. I'm going to take it day by day. Hour by hour. Minute by minute. Second by second.

I'm going to live my life to the fullest. Because Jesus said, "I came so that you may live, and live the best life possible." John 10:10. If thats the way its meant to be. Then thats what its going to be. I'm going to live my life for him and not for anyone else.

Peace out Girl Scout.

Day three- yippeee

Today is day three of Janel at Run With Scissors blogging I mean journal challenge!! Prompt three tells me to write a letter to someone I love.

Dear sweet sister Bayla,

My wonderful baby sister. I love you for all eternity. Don't grow up too fast. Be there for mommy. Boys are stupid. They'll give you cooties. Hold on to your childhood. Never say never. Call me every week once I'm gone. I'll miss you terribly. If you ever need me I'm always here for you.

You make me laugh, you inspire me, you get on my last nerve. You're the smartest eight year old I've ever met. You're truly talented. Let God guide you in all you do. Don't ever change who you are for someone else. Be who YOU want to be. I love you.

big sis.

ooops Journal post dos

I was so busy giving myself a pity party I forgot to Journalblog. So the second post from Janel's blog(run with scissors) is supposed to be your favorite part of my day.

I already posted my favorite times of the day. In one of my earlier posts. But here's an updated list.

I like blogging:)

Playing with my cat:)

Spending time with my sis:)

And night time:)

the end:)

Peace out Girl Scout

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Playlist from the heart

So as you've probably read from the last post. I'm not in a very good happy joyful mood. "Feel Good" playlist;

1. Two is Better than One- Boys like Girls

I was singing this as I was making the "burst my bubble" post. I thought it felt appropriate.

2. Rest, Shame, Love- Augustana

I just love the sound of this song. Some lyrics hit me.

3. Northern Downpour- Panic at the Disco

The somewhat meaningless lyrics and the soft repetitiveness of it makes me smile.

4. Country Roads- John Denver

Reminds me of camp, and that I'll always have some place to come back to.

5. July Flame- Laura Veirs

Love the sound of it. "July Flame"

6. Hey Stephen- Taylor Swift

Yeah, good ole' classic love song. I love Taylor Swift:)

7. Kokomo- The Beach Boys

I remember me and my mom mopping the kitchen floor listening to her Beach Boys cassette. I always loved this song and it makes me smile with all the places.

8. Somewhere Only We Know-Keane

I just love the fantasy element. Its so soft and slow. One of my favorites.

9. M79- Vampire Weekend

I LOVE Vampire Weekend, love this song. Its so folksy:)

10. Keep Holding On- Avril Lavigne

Enough said.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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Someone Please Burst my Bubble.

Oh my dear bloggy poo poo. How I've missed you so. Its been so long since I've wrote a really heart felt post, and I miss that. I really and truly miss that I haven't been pouring my heart into this. I knew I would do this. Sooner or later. Leave my blog. Slowly stop posting.

Slowly stop going to this place where I get in this bubble and don't come out. Inside that bubble I stay. I don't come out. I keep all my secrets to myself. I don't tell anyone how I'm feeling, and I don't talk to God. I hate that bubble.

That was the bubble I was in before I started this blog. And I will not. EVER go back into that bubble. I won't let myself. I don't want to go back to that horrible horrible place. I can't.

As my tears stream down my face I realize that the only person who did this was me. I let myself shrivel down to nothingness. You say "Tansy didn't anyone notice". Nope, they didn't, because I'm a damn good actress. No one could have possibly known.

I was the picture of happiness to everyone around me. If they did notice, they didn't care enough to help. I realize this now. I may have had fun in that bubble, but now its slowly starting to pop. I don't care either. I'm ready to be rid of it.

I think this is why I'm so obsessed with falling in love, because when I find love. I won't be alone anymore. I can talk to someone about how I feel, and how they make me feel better. Thats why I want love.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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Journal Post One

So with some pressure from my blogger friend V I'm starting over my journal challenge except I'm making it a BLOGGING CHALLENGE. So The first day you are supposed to create a page introducing yourself. Well here it goes.

My name is Tansy S. I live in the United States. I live with my mom and little sister, Bayla. God is the most important thing in my life. I need to learn to listen to his calling for me. I'll be a senior in high school this school year. I love my friends. I'm intent on learning more about myself and what God has planned for my life.

The End.

So... There you go. I've introduced myself. What about you?

Peace out Girl Scout.

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I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAck

Back from camp!! It was amazing! I met tons of awesome new people, and learned lots more about God and myself! Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to write any blog posts. So we'll start fresh tomorrow.

My blogger friend V has asked me to restart the Journaling challenge, but this time I'm just going to blog about the challenges. not journal them, because we all know how that turned out.... Well its good to be back!! I love you all!

Peace out Girl Scout

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I just can't hide it!

I'm so excited! I leave for camp tomorrow! Camp Glisson here I come! Camp Glisson is one of my favorite places in the whole wide world! I'm so excited to meet my new cabin mates and living group! Well with all this excitement comes bad news, I won't be blogging for a week:(, but I'll be sure to write my blog posts in a journal to post when I get back!

Everybody always gets worked up about the no cell phone rule, but this is so helping my going dark goal. This is actually where I got the idea. Two summers ago we had a speaker who talked about teen age mutant ninja turtles but thats besides the point. Any way he gave up a whole summer by staying in a cabin in the middle of no where, much like Emerson Throeau . But what ever I'm just excited to get closer to God this week! Wish me luck! Good bye bloggers!

Peace out Girl Scout.

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To my secret follower.

So guys. I have a secret follower. A follower that is apparent on my dashboard, but not on my blog. This is a letter to that person.

Dear Secret Follower;

Why are you a secret? We're all friends on this blog. Don't be ashamed to read this blog. Please. Come out. I want to follow your blog. I love to read blogs its true. I read at least 5 every day. Don't you want me to read yours. I know you read mine, or else why would you follow it. Please come out and reveal yourself. I'm revealing myself through these posts. Please destroy the anonymity. It will be awesome! You can share your thoughts to me to!

Please come out of hiding!

Love,

Tansy S.

Really I love every ones blog. I read them like every day! Please share your encouragement with this anonymous follower!

Peace out Girl Scout.

Will you be my best friend?

The more I think about it I realize I'm not looking for love. I'm looking for a best friend. A best friend who will always be there for me. A best friend that will love me for who I am. A best friend that is good looking, but a best friend who I can always count on.

I love my best friends. I let them know that. This is a special love. A special connection. Thats really what love is. You never can give it away too much, but you can keep it to yourself which might not be a good thing. I want a best friend. I best friend that will kiss me in the pouring rain. A best friend that will take me places and show me off.

I want to end up marrying my best friend. I want every thing we do together to be fun, to be a memory. This makes me realize that to marry my best friend I have to let people into my life. I'm a very introverted person. I need to open up to more people. I tend to turn people away. If I keep doing that I'll live to be an old maid with 30 cats.

I want someone to sweep me off my feet, but I want to know this person too. I don't want some random prince charming. I want someone I know. Someone I already care for. Someone who has been through it all with me. Someone who knows myself better than I do. That will be my best friend. Thats the person who I'll fall deeply and madly in love with.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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Going Dark; Update 2

So its been really hard lately with no communication from the outside world. I've just been lazy. Today after work I was driving and saw my best friends together. It was very hard to see them having fun with out me. I don't like being left out.

I don't like not being in the loop, but I think its what's best for me right now. Its not that I don't want to hang out with my friends. I do. It hurts being left out. I guess its my fault, but it still hurts. Its like I'm on the outside looking in. Actually its more I'm inside looking out.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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I heart ME

I love my blog. I truly do. I tailor it and brain storm sometimes even. I pour my heart and soul into this thing. So essentially, this blog is me. So Saying I love my blog, really means I love myself. So yeah. I'm concieted and I love myself.

I hate myself sometimes too, which means I hate this blog sometimes. It shows me at my weakest hardest moments in my life. I think its good though. I think its good for me to really remember these times. So I can learn from these experiences. Wow. I honestly didn't think I would even keep this up. I'm really proud of myself. I'm just feeling so happy with myself and who I'm becoming. Excitement :)

Peace out Girl Scout

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