"love sick, yeah yeah".

Let me tell you my love back ground. Well not love but you know puppy love. So I've had two boy friends. Broke up with both of them after three months. Was there a problem. No. Did I love them. Questionable. But I feel I tend to make this idea in my head of the "perfect boyfriend" qualities include but are not limited to the following: gorgeous hair(must), blue eyes, tall. those are the typical physical qualities. And when I look for a boy friend thats what I look for.

Nothing else. But my ideal "soul mate" would be sweet, sensitive, smart, passionate for people, honest, and my best friend. I stick those qualities on to whoever matches the physical qualities. So if there is a hot guy in my AP English class who fits those "boyfriend" qualities I immediately fall in "love" with that person with out even getting to know them for who they are.

And if that isn't enough I fall hard. I put all these expectations on them and they don't have it. Because they are made up in my head. I never really "talk" with the people I fall in love with because I already know who they are. I made them. So as a lay in bed at night thinking about this person its not them I'm dreaming about. Its about my soul mate(who i will find might i add).

Like right now the guy I'm "crushing on", I realized I may only have two things in common with him, no three. And it kind of hurts realizing he's not who i think he is. Ah. oh well.

Peace out Girl Scout

pictures

Purpose

So I've talked about the purpose of this blog. A lot. But after reading my friend taylor's post i started to wonder what my purpose is. Is it to grow up to be a doctor, is it to find a cure for cancer. I like science, but what is my passion. Music? I can't make a career out of that. There is no way. I have no talent. There's always humanitarian work, not much money there either. But is it really about money? Shouldn't I do something with life that has purpose? But what if thats not my purpose.ugh. Oh well its too late at night to really think deeply now.

Peace out Girl Scout.

Technical Difficulties

So I've already told you the story of the swipped swapped blogs. To find Taylor's blog click her name:)

Sorry, this is getting really confusing. Blogger please fix this

Peace out Girl Scout.

Sibling Love

The responsibilities of an older sister according to a younger sister:

• Must play with younger sister as much as possible.
• Do little sisters hair when told.
• Do little sisters make up with out any questions.
• Feed little sisters as many packs of gushers as you possibly can.
• Most of all help little sister sneak cake around your moms back.

Well after a long day of babysitting my 8 year old sister Bayla, I have made sure to always live up to my responsiblities as a older sister.

Peace out Girl Scout.

So I have thoroughly confused Blogger.

So I would like to apologize. My whole page profile thing is acting up. I originally made this blog for my friend, but then I liked it too much so I stole it from her. I was going to get it started for her and then hand it over. So we did a switcheroo and now both of our profiles are messed up. So sorry!

Peace out Girl Scout.

You can follow Taylor at http://taylorswalkwithgod.blogspot.com or http://hopeisallyouneed-taylor.blogspot.com I encourage you to. She's such a good christian person and one of my good friends that I met at church camp. I can't wait for her blogs, they're going to be awesome.

P.S. She's not the "best friend" I've mentioned in my other post:)

Both of our profiles are seriously messed up. Taylor has no technical abilities so I'm trying to sort it out.

Hey I thought you were kinda my best friend

So I don't understand. I don't understand why my best friend is being like this. Okay story time. So I asked my best friend a simple question that I needed to know the answer to. So she told me to never talk to her again about it. I said excuse me but I would just like to know the answer to the question. Then she completely went off on me. Loud voicemail and everything. So today(this happened like a week days ago) She sends me a text answering my question then proceeds to tell me she wishes i would die because "I deserve it" So i said um what are you talking about "best friend" and she said I love you but I hate you.

So i'm like well what is that supposed to mean. ugh. I hate fights. So maybe I need to change my attitude. Maybe she's going through something right now that I don't know about or something she doesn't want to talk about. Girl Drama. Can't live with it can't live with out it even though we'd all like to. All I can do now is pray about it. God will know what to do. I just have to listen.

Peace out Girl Scout.

pictures via weheartit

Change in Perspective.

So maybe the purpose of this blog isn't about finding myself. Maybe its more about shaping my life. Shaping the way I see things. Learning of this awesome person that I'm becoming. Does that sound weird? Maybe there are thousands of NEW things that I have yet to discover. Awesome hobbies and interest I haven't stumbled upon yet. I could be a really awesome basketball player or an amazing painter. I've just never tried. So I'm posing a new question for me to think about. Who do I WANT to be?

Peace out Girl Scout.

music makes me feel okay

So I have found a song that perfectly defines my live.

Last Song by Dave Days. Here's the lyrics

this has been going on each second i look you're gone you're not calling it's time for me to move on my friends were right all along you keep falling away giving ups not easy its hard enough to say as much as i make believe you're not really here with me what was i thinking from the beginning you didn't care at all so here's your last song i can leave it all behind or take another chance to find you no where in sight going to the movies alone every scenes that's shown reminds me of you as much as i make believe you're not really here with me what was i thinking from the beginning you didn't care at all all that's left are the memories constantly haunting me i'm giving up it's time to grow up you're not around and we're not in love heres the last song laying around in around in this hotel room too much to think about nothing to do he's not coming back he's not coming back as much as i make believe something in side of me has got me hoping got me thinking who am i to assume this love is crazy unpredictable maybe you'll melt my heart like you did from the start all over again it's not the end

Peace out Girl Scout.

picture by weheartit.com

Hey you, I'm kinda in love with you.

Why. Why does your hair fall perfectly over your eyes? Why do your texts want to make me giggle like a little girl? Why can't I help going to your facebook page so much that I feel like a stalker? Why does your passion just happen to be mine too?

Why do you make me love you? Is that too much? Do I really love you? If I loved you would I be asking these questions? If you loved me would you really not text me back? Do I really make you laugh when you say lmao or pffftttllllllhahahaha? Or are they just words? Space holders for nonexistent feelings? What do you mean when you say "I'm sorry I can't be there"? What do you mean when you say "hey"?

Is there some secret code that I have to use to get you to like me? To get you to acknowledge my existence? Is there something that I'm missing? Some special feeling that I don't have? Why do you make me think about you every single night? Why can't I get you out of my head? Is there something else I can do?

Why can't it just be simple? Why can't you say "Hey, you're special to me. We need to hang out. We need to go somewhere."? Have you already and I just didn't realize it? Why do you have to be so amazingly awesome and sweet and understanding? Why oh why did I have to fall in love with you.

sigh.

pictures by weheartit.com

Mystical Blog Universe.

So this wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to write a blog every five minutes, but I've determined something. I'm addicted I'm addicted to pouring my little heart out into the internet. Pitiful. I know. I wasn't supposed to ramble on about incoherent stuff. I was supposed to find my self. That was the purpose I wasn't supposed to be another bored blogee (I can't come to terms with the fact that I'm a blogger). Maybe I am addicted. I'm already planning my next blog. It doesn't make sense! I've started these before and never wrote a single word. Maybe its because I have no one to talk to. My best friend, Lucy*, won't talk to me. I don't want to talk to my friend Shannon*. I can't talk to my guy friends because they wouldn't understand. Oh mystical blog universe you have pulled me in.

Peace out Girl Scout.

*Name has been changed.

Bad Romance.

So you know that one person. You know who I'm talking about. It maybe your best friend or the person you have never even talked to. Yeah. That one. The one you swear you are going to make them fall deep and madly in love with you, but it never gets farther than that. Or it might.

You like them for like since October and its the middle of June and you haven't gotten anywhere closer than you were before. I know what you mean. Its like you sit there waiting for him to call you and say hey i like you lets go do something awesome, but you know deep deep down that its not going to happen.

Why can't it be as easy as hey I like you. Okay I like you too. No. It has to get complicated. You have to talk and then you have to hang out and then you have to have the "are we boyfriend girlfriend" talk. Why can't it be as simple as that. UGH! You lay in bed and night thinking about it and you know its never going to be, but you keep hoping that it will be something more. You'll be more than a friend to them.

However on the other hand you get super MAD mainly at yourself for not doing anything about it. Maybe I'm to young for this. Maybe high school shouldn't be about having relationships, but you see how almost everyone's pared up. And What about prom? I mean, you should go with someone you care about. I look like a loser when I go by myself. Oh well. I'll just keep hoping, but hoping never got anyone anywhere.

Doesn't building a relationship take some form of communication? And to communicate you actually have to have something to talk about, and what if that person gets tired talking about the same thing. How do you move one from talking about just that one subject?

Why does it have to be so HARD? I liked it better in Kindergarten where you could just chase each other around the playground. Times where simpler then. Oh well for the time being I'm going to make a plan of attack persay.

Peace out Girl Scout.

Don't Count on It.

So I have like started and erased and started and erased this post like twelve times, so I'm just going to write. Do you know what REALLY bothers me? People. Yup, people. At this point you're probably saying to yourself, "This chick is crazy, what is she talking about," and then you exit out of my page. Thats fine I don't care, and maybe I am a little bit crazy. Heck. Who isn't just a little bit crazy, but back to my people hating. Really though, I hate people. Don't take this personally. For all I know you are a great person, but I still hate people. I've started to rely on people way too much, and the truth is you can't rely on people. People aren't RELIABLE. No Joke. I asked someone to give my book back like a month ago and they sitll haven't. I NEED that book. It just irks me, yes I just said irks. But really was it that hard to go five minutes down the street? No. No it wasn't. Thats why I have to get up tomorrow and go do get it because PEOPLE didn't do it the first time. Hence, why I hate people.

Peace out Girl Scout.

Hello.

You may not find this blog very interesting. Heck. Most people won't. My prediction is it won't even have any followers by the end of the summer, but what the hey. I'm bored and I might as well tell other bored people about it. Isn't that how blogs work. Bored people go online to look and see if other people have more interesting lives than they do? Well unlike most "bloggers" ("blogees"? I like that better), I have a purpose. My goal is to find me. Don't be smart. I know WHERE I am, but that doesn't necessarily mean I know WHO I am. This blog will be filled with hopes, dreams, prayers, likes, dislikes, promises, broken promises, rants, raves, and everything in between. This is not for your enjoyment, its for my SANITY, so with that said no rude comments please.

Peace out Girl Scout.