Will you be my best friend?

The more I think about it I realize I'm not looking for love. I'm looking for a best friend. A best friend who will always be there for me. A best friend that will love me for who I am. A best friend that is good looking, but a best friend who I can always count on.

I love my best friends. I let them know that. This is a special love. A special connection. Thats really what love is. You never can give it away too much, but you can keep it to yourself which might not be a good thing. I want a best friend. I best friend that will kiss me in the pouring rain. A best friend that will take me places and show me off.

I want to end up marrying my best friend. I want every thing we do together to be fun, to be a memory. This makes me realize that to marry my best friend I have to let people into my life. I'm a very introverted person. I need to open up to more people. I tend to turn people away. If I keep doing that I'll live to be an old maid with 30 cats.

I want someone to sweep me off my feet, but I want to know this person too. I don't want some random prince charming. I want someone I know. Someone I already care for. Someone who has been through it all with me. Someone who knows myself better than I do. That will be my best friend. Thats the person who I'll fall deeply and madly in love with.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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Sweet sweet Freedom

So after all that whining and crying, I realized. I don't like Wren. Nope. Not at all. Well maybe a little, but thats not the point. I realized I had built him up to so much more than he really was. Yeah, I realized that before, but before I didn't do anything about it. So after I figured out I just put all the "perfect qualities" into him. I did nothing. I kept on liking WREN. Not the made up person in my head.

Now I've figured out how I can avoid not liking Wren, and getting hurt by someone who I thought I knew, but really I know nothing about. Its going to be lame. Don't laugh at me. I'm going to insert those soul mate qualities into a celebrity. Lame. I know. Laugh all you want. This way I'm not obsessing over a guy I actually see during the day. So who is my handsome soul mate you might ask.

None other than Nick Jonas. Don't make fun. I actually really like Nick. I was going to pick Justin Beiber, but then I might kill myself hahaha. No, but Nick is really cute and fits all the physical requirements, so I can just insert my soul mate qualities and stop flipping heart over head for Wren. I feel somewhat loserish for doing this, but I think it might help me in the long run.

It will also help me find an actual guy. You may say "Why Tansy, how is that ever going to help you find a boyfriend? Aren't you basically making up your own boyfriend" Nope. I'm not. This way I won't be so blinded by Wren, and I can see when guys actually like me. I tend to do that. A lot. Turn guys away that I'm not crushing on.

Of course, this doesn't mean I'm fishing for a boyfriend. I'm just going to wait and sit and do nothing. Yup. I don't like anyone any more so I can be free to be single and mingle haha! I don't expect to find a boyfriend, he'll find me, and unlike most of the time I'll give it a chance. I feel so light hearted right now:) I like this feeling. Its like I'm turning over a new leaf.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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"love sick, yeah yeah".

Let me tell you my love back ground. Well not love but you know puppy love. So I've had two boy friends. Broke up with both of them after three months. Was there a problem. No. Did I love them. Questionable. But I feel I tend to make this idea in my head of the "perfect boyfriend" qualities include but are not limited to the following: gorgeous hair(must), blue eyes, tall. those are the typical physical qualities. And when I look for a boy friend thats what I look for.

Nothing else. But my ideal "soul mate" would be sweet, sensitive, smart, passionate for people, honest, and my best friend. I stick those qualities on to whoever matches the physical qualities. So if there is a hot guy in my AP English class who fits those "boyfriend" qualities I immediately fall in "love" with that person with out even getting to know them for who they are.

And if that isn't enough I fall hard. I put all these expectations on them and they don't have it. Because they are made up in my head. I never really "talk" with the people I fall in love with because I already know who they are. I made them. So as a lay in bed at night thinking about this person its not them I'm dreaming about. Its about my soul mate(who i will find might i add).

Like right now the guy I'm "crushing on", I realized I may only have two things in common with him, no three. And it kind of hurts realizing he's not who i think he is. Ah. oh well.

Peace out Girl Scout

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Bad Romance.

So you know that one person. You know who I'm talking about. It maybe your best friend or the person you have never even talked to. Yeah. That one. The one you swear you are going to make them fall deep and madly in love with you, but it never gets farther than that. Or it might.

You like them for like since October and its the middle of June and you haven't gotten anywhere closer than you were before. I know what you mean. Its like you sit there waiting for him to call you and say hey i like you lets go do something awesome, but you know deep deep down that its not going to happen.

Why can't it be as easy as hey I like you. Okay I like you too. No. It has to get complicated. You have to talk and then you have to hang out and then you have to have the "are we boyfriend girlfriend" talk. Why can't it be as simple as that. UGH! You lay in bed and night thinking about it and you know its never going to be, but you keep hoping that it will be something more. You'll be more than a friend to them.

However on the other hand you get super MAD mainly at yourself for not doing anything about it. Maybe I'm to young for this. Maybe high school shouldn't be about having relationships, but you see how almost everyone's pared up. And What about prom? I mean, you should go with someone you care about. I look like a loser when I go by myself. Oh well. I'll just keep hoping, but hoping never got anyone anywhere.

Doesn't building a relationship take some form of communication? And to communicate you actually have to have something to talk about, and what if that person gets tired talking about the same thing. How do you move one from talking about just that one subject?

Why does it have to be so HARD? I liked it better in Kindergarten where you could just chase each other around the playground. Times where simpler then. Oh well for the time being I'm going to make a plan of attack persay.

Peace out Girl Scout.