A Letter to the Future- College ME.

Dear College-self,

Where are you know, who did I become to be? Are you kind? Are you loving? I hope you're happy. Isn't that what anyone would wish for themselves? I hope our faith is strong. I hope that nothing could knock down our love for Jesus.

I want to know, what are you doing these days? Did my life-plan work, or did we decide to take a different route? How is college, I really want to know, I'll be there soon. Did I keep our friends, did the people in our life change drastically? I hope all is well, where ever you are. Stay strong self, I know you need it.

Love,

Tansy

Peace out Girl Scout.

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Future Letters.

So exciting news guys! Tomorrow I'm going to start a brand new segment type thing on The Secret Life of Me(I'm pretty sure thats the first time I've called my blog by its name). Anyway, its called "Letters to the Future". I'm pretty pumped about it.

I'm going to be writing letters to various people, things, places, ect, in different times of the future. I'm pretty excited I'm going to try to do it every other Tuesday. Maybe. Quite possibly. Hopefully. I'm actually supposed to be doing my AP Calc. homework right now, but oh well. This seems more important.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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I've got a feelin'

So school is really starting to catch up on me. Thats why this blog post is so late even though what I'm about to write about happened last weekend. So I guess it would be Sunday, I hoped on over to the town next to mine to get a book for school. You're probably like, "Well okay Tansy good for you, you actually read", but no, thats not the point of this story. The point of this story is about people.

So immediately as I walk in the book store, a clerk welcomes me by saying, "Hey Angel," but at first I was like oh she's not talking to me, but then she continued to talk to me and I was like "uhhhh I'm doing fine thanks". Then she continued to say " Just let me know if you need any help now" I said " I will thanks".

Sooo.... anywho, I go about my normal shopping getting the book I need for school, a book for Bayla and my mom, and a book for me.

So as I go to check out the same clerk was just so cheerful and pleasant. It really just made my day. I had a shirt on that said "Walk Humbly" and she was like "aw, I love that scripture" and I immediately liked her even more.

Then these two girls walked in who obviously just got there hair done, and she yelled "You're hair looks really good. You're so pretty".

Then she says to me " You know sometimes girls tend to hate other girls because they think they're prettier than them, and sometimes pretty girls don't think they're pretty and need a bit of self confidience, because really all of us are beautiful on the inside. We should tell each other that sometimes."

I was like fully ready to ask her to be my best friend forever at this point.

I mean, she was like a modern day philosopher, but it made me think. No matter if I forget her name, or where she worked, where I met her. I'll know that she made me feel like I was special. That I mattered. That we all mattered in the grand scheme of things. That woman, girl, student, what ever has changed my life.

What if I hadn't gone to the book store that day? What if she wasn't working? My life would have stayed the same, but that chance encounter showed me that there is really and truly an awesome God out there. She really changed my life, I'm serious. Because of that chance meeting, my life is better.

I'll always remember that feeling that I felt when I was around her.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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Ah. For the love of Grayson.

So I just realize I didn't post a back to school post. Well its been like a week now since school started, which gave you the I Don't Know post because already all of my friends are like are you doing early enrollment and I'm like uhhhh.... what?

So as I started this second week of school I think, this is MY senior year, MINE and I want to make the most of it.

I may never see these people again, maybe I don't want to, but still there are people that I want to see again, and WANT to stay in my life. Why not live life for now, not for later not what could be or should be. I know I can get into college.

My SAT's were pretty good, and I've taken several AP classes. I'm an all A student, so I can get it. I just don't know WHERE, but right now I don't care. Senior '11.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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Create Me.

So guyses, how you likin' my new blog look? I really like the fact that its an older computer, but you can only see it all if you put it into a full screen. I'm taking a graphic design class this year(excitement) so maybe i can make an awesome back ground for my bloggy poopoo:)

Anyway.

I've always been the person that tries so hard to be creative. I love project runway, America's next top model, and any other fashion/ artsy show out there. Or any show on bravo for that matter. Yet, besides dance... I have not one creative bone in my body. I'm the "nerd". I'm that person who could tell you that the quadratic formula is

I had to Google it because I couldn't find the square root sign, but I still know it. I love my brain, so to speak, yet I want to wear something pretty for once. The following is what is in my closet: -american eagle jeans, -old navy tshirt. Thats it. I've got some old navy shorts too, but other than that, thats all.

I have no style. Well I guess you could say I do, but not a cute one! I'm happy in a T and jeans, but I think I could do so much better. Do you understand what I'm saying? Probably not, but I have to say this is the weirdest post I have ever posted. So I'm just going to end this right now. Bye.

Peace out Girl Scout.

There's no place like home.

So these thoughts might be running through your head right now if you just read my last two posts.

-"Is this girl crazy"

-"Is this girl bipolar"

-"Is this girl on her period"

Only one of these answers would be correct. Well I guess two. Most of you are going to be able to guess which two they are, but in reality I think since the first blog post I've just been so happy I'm actually back. Like for realz. Its past midnight and I'm blogging. I love this me. So I'd like to say Welcome back me. You're home.

Peace out Girl Scout.

Just Dance.

I have had what you might call a blogging FAIL. The last time I really posted was in like 18 days ago. I feel stupid. I love blogging. It keeps my head on straight. When I blog I feel energized and excited and just plain happy. I need some happy in my life. I will never again go more than a week with out blogging. Granted it will probably be only once a week when school starts back, but I will, nay must blog.

Blogging clears my mind of everything. Its my creative outlet. Well this and dance. I love to dance:) Some people run, swim, eat, drink, smoke, or even sleep(what i've been doing(sad face)) to clear their mind. Me, I blog, and dance. Mostly dance.

Dancing is my outward expression of happiness:), but I don't only dance when I'm happy. I dance when:

I'm bored

I'm sick

I'm silly

I'm excited

Dancing just makes me feel good inside.

I blog when;

I'm sad

I'm lonely

I'm hurt

I'm angry.

I think I've found the two things I'm good at are the two things that I love to do the most.

and this brings me back to the purpose of this blog. To find myself. Or create myself. Before Taylor asked me to help her, I never even thought of blogging. Now I've realized that the simple idea of this blog, to find who I am, has helped me more than anything. I've found more of me than I ever could have before. Needless to say, I'm ecstatic.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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What if I don't know.

So I've decided I don't like where I'm at right now. You ask "Well where are you Tansy?" My reply? "I have no fucking idea where I am right now" Thats why I don't like it. I don't know where I am. Next year at this time I'm gone. Far away. Do I know where? Nope.

I don't know where I'm going to college. I don't know where I'm going to get the money to pay for it. I don't know if I can leave my mom by herself. I don't know who my friends are. I don't know if I even have any friends. I don't know if I even want to stay in this stupid town.

All I know is right now my life is a big WHAT IF? Those two words are the most hated words I could ever speak. What if I can't afford the college I want? What if I never find out where I'm supposed to be?

Adding to the What if to my life is the DON'T KNOW, but I have decided after the many conflicting voices in my head to let it go. Let go and let GOD. He's the only one who can sees the outcome of my life. So I'll give it to him to do what's right.

Peace out Girl Scout.

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