I thought I could hang around the wrong crowd and not get sucked in, I thought I was strong enough that I could resist temptation. I was wrong. I didn't do anything illegal. I didn't do anything too terribly bad. I went against my morals.
So I've been hanging around this group of guys who, don't always make the best decisions. I was sucked in by charm. Long story short. They convinced me to sneak out at 2 am. I got caught.
Was I mad that I was grounded for 2 weeks? No. I was mad that after all my protesting, Wren said, "Do I have to make the decision for you?" I said yes, and he said, "We're coming to get you."
I'm still pissed that I did it. I'm pissed that I've turned into this person who cusses and my excuse for hanging out with them was "Maybe if I hang out with them, I might be a good influence. God wants me to do this."
They know I don't like drugs and alcohol, so they didn't do that when I was with them, (well once, but I didn't know they were high at the time). I thought I was changing them, but they were changing me. I was trying so hard to impress them, that I changed.
Now. I'm just through. I've spent the last month alone. I never go out of my house. No one invites me to things. Just alone, and that sucks, and it makes me want to cry. I don't tell anyone anything. I'm pissed and hurt and scared and alone and no one cares.
No one asks how I am. I act okay at school. I laugh. I smile. I fake. My grades are dropping. I'm sinking into this place that's awful. And it just feels so good to write this. To get everything out of my system.
xo.
i missed you.
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That is so easy to do when you hang out with the wrong people. I'm sorry that it happened to you. No matter what, your faithful blog reader is here! To read and give, hopefully helpful, and sometimes strange comments :D
ReplyDeleteI've done some not so great things in my life... I've done a few things I regret. The important thing is that you keep going. Be honest with yourself about what you have. Then think about what you need to do,step by step, to get you out of the hole you dug. Just stay calm and take it step by step.
this ^ is why i need faithful blog readers like you.
ReplyDeletethanks so much.
everyone has done something they're not proud of. i myself got sucked into the "wrong crowd" of people in high school. luckily i made it back to a group of friends i never should've left in the first place, and high school will end. keep your head up and try for yourself. you won't be stuck here in this awful place ur in forever. the sky will open up and the sun will shine down and you'll feel better. but first you have to weather the rain... heck, just go dance in it!
ReplyDeleteaw :)
ReplyDeletesomething pretty similar happened to me a couple of years back. i knew it wasn't going anywhere, but i still kept clinging on and on, thinking that God wanted me to change that crowd for the better. And he was in that group, and I used to grab every single opportunity to spend some time with him, or talk to him, or whatever.
ReplyDeleteAnd then when he started going out with another girl, it took me four months to get over it. I was so ashamed of myself for being such an idiot that I used to break down on my carpet and cry almost every night.
You, my friend, are in a better situation than me. At least you don't talk to him.
That time made me very emotionally strong. So I guess I don't regret that it happened to me. Don't worry, you're gonna emerge out of this as a beautiful butterfly too :)
The sad thing is, I do talk to him. Got a text from him right now. Saw him tonight, and Tuesday night.
ReplyDeleteThank you so so much for your kind kind words. :D