I've forgotten how therapeutic blogging was. I can just breathe, sort out my thoughts, and share. Share to a world who is not judgmental and who all feel the same. I can't wait until I actually have time to poop out a real post again. It will feel glorious.
xo.
Tansy.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
"You didn't care at all."
Secret No. 17: I just keep sitting here thinking; if you wanted to talk to me you would.
But instead he's just a friend.
I can't let go of him. I know that he's bad news. I know that he probably doesn't like me. I know it won't last past May. I know that I can't go 24 hours with out thinking about him.
It's horrible. I can't stand it, but I can't help the fact that I find the need to talk to him every chance I get.
I sit there and wait for him to get on facebook to chat, and when he gets on I just stare at my computer screen in shock and never say anything.
xo.
Tansy.
It's horrible. I can't stand it, but I can't help the fact that I find the need to talk to him every chance I get.
I sit there and wait for him to get on facebook to chat, and when he gets on I just stare at my computer screen in shock and never say anything.
xo.
Tansy.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Release.
Hey. So you're probably like, "Who are you again?" It's me, Tansy. Or at least I think it is. Shit's happened. I became something I never thought I would be. I did something that I regret, and that doesn't happen often.
I thought I could hang around the wrong crowd and not get sucked in, I thought I was strong enough that I could resist temptation. I was wrong. I didn't do anything illegal. I didn't do anything too terribly bad. I went against my morals.
So I've been hanging around this group of guys who, don't always make the best decisions. I was sucked in by charm. Long story short. They convinced me to sneak out at 2 am. I got caught.
Was I mad that I was grounded for 2 weeks? No. I was mad that after all my protesting, Wren said, "Do I have to make the decision for you?" I said yes, and he said, "We're coming to get you."
I'm still pissed that I did it. I'm pissed that I've turned into this person who cusses and my excuse for hanging out with them was "Maybe if I hang out with them, I might be a good influence. God wants me to do this."
They know I don't like drugs and alcohol, so they didn't do that when I was with them, (well once, but I didn't know they were high at the time). I thought I was changing them, but they were changing me. I was trying so hard to impress them, that I changed.
Now. I'm just through. I've spent the last month alone. I never go out of my house. No one invites me to things. Just alone, and that sucks, and it makes me want to cry. I don't tell anyone anything. I'm pissed and hurt and scared and alone and no one cares.
No one asks how I am. I act okay at school. I laugh. I smile. I fake. My grades are dropping. I'm sinking into this place that's awful. And it just feels so good to write this. To get everything out of my system.
xo.
i missed you.
pictures
I thought I could hang around the wrong crowd and not get sucked in, I thought I was strong enough that I could resist temptation. I was wrong. I didn't do anything illegal. I didn't do anything too terribly bad. I went against my morals.
So I've been hanging around this group of guys who, don't always make the best decisions. I was sucked in by charm. Long story short. They convinced me to sneak out at 2 am. I got caught.
Was I mad that I was grounded for 2 weeks? No. I was mad that after all my protesting, Wren said, "Do I have to make the decision for you?" I said yes, and he said, "We're coming to get you."
I'm still pissed that I did it. I'm pissed that I've turned into this person who cusses and my excuse for hanging out with them was "Maybe if I hang out with them, I might be a good influence. God wants me to do this."
They know I don't like drugs and alcohol, so they didn't do that when I was with them, (well once, but I didn't know they were high at the time). I thought I was changing them, but they were changing me. I was trying so hard to impress them, that I changed.
Now. I'm just through. I've spent the last month alone. I never go out of my house. No one invites me to things. Just alone, and that sucks, and it makes me want to cry. I don't tell anyone anything. I'm pissed and hurt and scared and alone and no one cares.
No one asks how I am. I act okay at school. I laugh. I smile. I fake. My grades are dropping. I'm sinking into this place that's awful. And it just feels so good to write this. To get everything out of my system.
xo.
i missed you.
pictures
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
"He used to stay awake to drive the dreams he had away."
Secret 16: You're shit, and it's taken me sometime to realize it, but I do know. I'm glad I didn't grow too attached.
I've missed you.
It seems like I've been absent for a month! Unbelievable. It's just life got ten times more hectic. Drama started. I'm overwhelmed. I don't want to do school work. I don't want to do anything. I just want rest.
Peace out Girl Scout.
Peace out Girl Scout.
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